Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
