Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
