please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
