What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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