Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I am available for nakedness
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
