Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
