Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
thus making me awesome and them whores
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
