we have pet lesbian snakes
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
