Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
