Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
