What did we do last night that was yellow?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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