after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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