U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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