Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
