having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
