Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
