how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
