Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
