I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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