I think i peed on brittanys purse
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
