We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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