i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
