4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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