ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
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I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
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WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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