I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
