Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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