Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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