return my video game
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
