if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
...so i touched it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I fill condoms, not promises.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
