you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
