We're like a lot better than the average bears
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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