Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
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GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.