he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.