Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
