I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
