Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend