I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.