something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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