Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
