She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
