I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize