She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
