my mouth tastes like poor choices
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I got her a Nickelback box set.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
