Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
