God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
