He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
