the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize