o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
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i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
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We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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