I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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