shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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