In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Vodka?
Forever.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
