so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think your dad took our porno
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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