i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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