Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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