This is not my ceiling
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
