Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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