Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
