so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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