3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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