Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
my liver is dry heaving
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
