She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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