Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
