From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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