"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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