I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
