even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
