Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire