I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
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Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
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They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me