Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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