My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.