i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?