this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.