Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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