You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
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Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
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Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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